Babies?
by Moronthe2nd
Summary: He just HAD to ask the question. Sometimes Legretta, you have to wonder if your job and kidnapping a certain dense heir-to-the-throne is really worth it.


Hahaha. This story is born from Science class and day-dreaming. Am kinda proud of it, though. :D

Takes place pre-game.

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12 year old Asch was frowning.

Normally this wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary, considering how bitter he became after being taken away from his home and placed in Daath by a certain Vandesdelca. But today was different.

He had a question. Something that he just couldn't get out of his head. Asch mentally cursed himself, he was soldier now for goodness sake! Soldiers do not get so distracted by such a thing! But this question was going to drive him nuts if it wasn't answered fast, he had to ask someone...but who?

Through the cathedral windows, he spotted the God-General Legretta the Quick in the cathedral library, quietly reading a book.

_' Ah well.' _He thought. _'One question wouldn't hurt.'_

Oh, how wrong he was.

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"...Legretta? "

Legretta turned her eyes away from her book to see Asch standing before her.

" Yes, what is it? "

" Well... I have a question."

" What is it? "

Asch bit his lip. " ..."

" It's alright to ask. I'm your fellow comrade and I'm in charge of you, am I not? I will answer your question to the best of my ability. "

" Well...I would like to know where babies come from. "

Legretta's face took a 180 degree turn from calm and stoic to completely freaked out.

"...what? "

" Where do babies come from? "

At that moment, she wanted to just get OUT of there and leave someone else to answer the boy's question. She wasn't a mother, how could she have seen this coming?! However, her soldier instincts kicked in, and she regained her poise.

" Wha-what makes you ask s-such a question? "

Well, most of it, anyway.

" I was passing by this room and the door was half open, so I saw two figures moving in bed and when I asked Mister Tritheim about it, he just told me something about making babies. "

Legretta mentally cursed and made a note to pay him back later for this. But now, how was she going to answer the boy's question?

" Uh, how should I say this...give me a few minutes would you? Just stay here. "

She immediately raced off and left the confused Asch behind, to find...

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" Van. Open. The door. NOW!! "

Legretta bared her teeth at the door to a certain Commandant Grants' room as she tried to force her way in. On the other hand, Van seemed to prefer her out.

" Do NOT make me use my guns, Vandesdelca! "

" No!! I'm not going to be the one to taint the child's innocent mind! You do it, women are much better at explaining things like this!! "

A vein popped in her head. "...what?! "

" Also, he asked you! It's more sensible that you tell him, am I right? "

She scowled and stopped her vain efforts as Van looked triumphant. " Fine, as long as you follow me. In a way, we are like foster parents to him now..."

" Yes..." Van gave a smile. "...wait, as in a coup-"

Realizing what that had implied, both of them blushed.

" W-Well, let' s just get moving, shall we? "

" T-that would be for the best. "

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Asch drummed his fingers on the library table, obviously impatient.

_' What' s taking her so long? I just wanted to know where babies come from, dammit! '_

SLAM!

Asch quickly jerked and looked up. There was Legretta and Van, with the latter slamming numerous books on the table for educating the child.

" W-well, Asch, " Legretta cleared her throat. " We decided that explaining the process to you might take too long, so we got these books to do it for us instead. "

He stared at the pile in disbelief.

" Y-you want me to read all of this?! "

" Of course, " Van replied. " This is necessary if you wish to learn more. I will even cut down some training time until you are finished. After all, knowledge always comes first. "

Asch stared. After a moment, he sighed and started reading.

" Are you sure this is a good method? " whispered Legretta to Van while heading for the door.

" It will be fine. Come, let us leave before he gets to the real explanations-"

" Hello Asch! " cried a girl's voice.

Legretta and Van jerked and turned around.

Heading towards them was the recently promoted 9 year-old Fon Master Guardian, Arietta. Behind her was Fon Master Ion himself. In the last few weeks the two had known her, anything involving said guardian usually involved.....trouble.

" What are you reading? Looks complicated..." Her brows furrowed with confusion.

" Legretta told me these books would help educate me on where babies come from. "

" Reading so many books just to find out?" She giggled. " No, I' ll do you a favour and just tell you! I just found out myself some time ago from the Fon Master! It is shorter that way. "

Van and Legretta paled and immediately made "** NO**. FOR THE LOVE OF LORELEI NO. " gestures behind the oblivious Asch, but she obviously wasn' t paying attention.

" Well, you see Asch-" She took a deep breath.

" NO ARIETTA WAI- "

" Every married couple come to see the Fon Master for babies!! The Fon Master summons this big giant stork in the sky to fabricate little babies from clouds, and then he brings them to the Fon Master, which then gives the little babies to mothers who swallow them, and it' s kept in their tummies for 9 months where it grows, then poof! You have a baby! Isn' t the Fon Master amazing?! " She grinned.

Legretta and Van were baffled. Their eyes immediately turned to the Fon Master.

He said nothing. He only smiled, his wise green eyes giving the 'Ahaha-you-owe-me-one' look.

" So that' s it? "

" Yep. It' s that simple! "

" That wasn' t so hard. You didn' t need all these books to tell me that. Let' s go, Arietta. "

" Sure! Coming, Fon Master? "

" Of course. "

As the dumbstruck duo watched them leave, there was a moment of silence.

" You do know you have to tell him one day? "

" One day. It can wait for now. "

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_MEANWHILE, AT FABRE MANOR-_

" Guy..? "

" Yeah Luke? "

" Where do babies come from? "

"........."

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Ahahaha. I had lots of fun writing that XD

Reviews are loved!


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